April 12, 2014
....but I think my new bed might be possessed with bad memories, or negative emotions or energy or whatever. I've been Googling how to sort of exorcise my bed but I don't think I quite have it right. I also had my boyfriend's brother "ping" the bed, so he said, to remove anything negative associated with it but I tried to nap earlier and had quite the nightmares. The bed is used, of course, but clean - simply because I can't afford something of my own that is paid for with real money. I cleaned the bedroom today, lit some incense ... I don't know what else to do. The room isn't really big enough to fit rearranging in there, not with the child's bed, too. And not without covering up vital air vents, as our room has no alternative source of air. I'm getting scared to go to bed at night; the nightmares are getting to be too much.
April 11, 2014
It's a b-e-a-utiful day outside! I have the windows open and the ceiling fan going, much to the satisfaction of the cats. While I write and listen to music, it's nice to feel a cool, spring breeze. I just wish I felt better. We got a bed a little over a week ago, which means I haven't slept properly since over a week ago. I want to keep moving from the bed down to the floor to sleep, but it doesn't seem like appropriate conduct so I stay with the lover. Maybe the bed has some bad karma or something, because when I do sleep my slumber is filled with negative emotions and images. I cry, I sweat, I clench my teeth. Something has got to give. Maybe we should move the bed elsewhere in the room, hmm? Proper feng shui and all that. It might be a valid option.
March 17, 2014
I applied for the Amtrak Residency program last night, and now I'm nervous! I don't feel like I'm good enough to get it, but at least I put my work in the hat, right? To apply, you had to submit a writing sample. I didn't want to use any of my previous work, which was on the darker side, but I had a vague idea of a story forming in my noggin, so I sat down to write anew and the words just poured out of my head onto the screen. The story wrote itself while I sat there and watched. It was an amazing feeling, just watching what my fingers had to type while my brain formulated all these incredible words. Almost like an out-of-body experience...almost. Time for tea! I'm up before everyone else to make sure the Boy got on the bus, and now it's just quiet writing and internet time. I <3 this time of day the best!
March 14, 2014
Went to the doctor this morning and found out my recent mammogram and subsequent ultrasound were normal, which a breast examination also mirrored today. The doctor literally said "I don't know why you're having pain; no one knows what causes breast pain." Seriously? I call fake on that one. He told me to take ibuprofen if it hurts and try to avoid caffeine. This makes no sense. This has been three years in a row that I've been having this pain in the same spot, and all I get is "I don't know"? Sigh. I didn't need a doctor to tell me no one knows what's going on. It's getting so frustrating! Now I guess I need to have my hormone levels checked with my family doctor. And if those are low, then what? Someone else telling me they don't know why the levels are low and just deal with it?
March 13, 2014
The weather has been a bitch lately, like Mother Nature is having premenstrual mood swings or something. The other day it was 74 degrees outside! Windows open, shorts on, playing football outside with the boy ... and it snowed last night and the heat got turned on because it was 27 this morning. My arthritic bones can't keep this up much longer! Old age is totally gonna suck. Another day of desperately looking for jobs to get us out of this situation and back on our feet. We've even contemplated going to a shelter for the time being, but that was vetoed due to lack of vehicle. Stuck, that's all we are. Stuck with no resources, and this game is getting old.
March 11, 2014
I've had a stomach bug or something for the last week or so and I'm finally starting to get over it...another five pounds gone, though! This makes a total of 25, and I'm super happy! Still have to get used to drinking water again after being sick, but now I'm allowing myself a soda every now and then and I don't feel like it's going to be an addiction again. Soda used to be my thang, and I felt like I couldn't live or function without at least one a day. When we moved to Minnesota I kinda weaned myself off it, and was like that for almost two months! Then I had a soda when Nick and I went out to eat last month and it was like nirvana in my mouth. I've been having one every week or so, and now I don't really feel good about it at all. Does this mean I'm growing up?