Moving Forward

...no pun intended (: Doctor said I can start hobbling around with a walker, as long as I still use the stabilizing boot. That's okay by me, I was super sick of being carted around in a wheelchair. I've been doing super good on my eating, too. The main reason was proooobably because we had, like, no food in the house, but still - woot for me!

However, last night was bad. I actually overate to the point where someone had to rub my stomach and I had to take a gas pill to digest everything properly. Now, don't get me wrong here - I know you're probably envisioning Garfield shoveling lasagna into his gaping maw at warp speed, or a Ho-Ho eating princess watching Oprah on Oxygen. Neither is true, it was just more food than I'd eaten over the last week combined, really. More than I was supposed to. Lesson learned, though. I was miserable with gas and vertigo, and slept with a blanket over my head like Michael Jackson was showing me off to the crowds below. Ugh. Done.

I have yet to actually weigh myself since learning I gained a ton of weight, and the day after a carb binge is probably not the best time. Tomorrow? Assuming I can not eat my hands, that sounds great.

Better?

Heading to the doctor tomorrow to see about surgery for this foot o' mine ... sigh. All of the bruising and swelling is gone, and I'm able to stand minimally on it but I'm still in the wheelchair. And because I was depressed after the accident, I gained about 8 pounds .... but since I'd just lost 7, it was a big deal :(

Like I said before, I resorted to SlimFast. Not my fave thing in the world, but I suppose it's doing the trick. I also started taking Xenadrine Results, and - surprisingly enough - I actually like it. It gently curbs my appetite and helps me feel more awake without completely diminishing my appetite or making me jittery. A plus! Huzzah! I'm hoping that while I'm still in the wheelchair and confined to a no-walking regimen that I'll at least be able to stop eating my weight in junk food. Weight loss would be nice, but I'm a realist. Just fitting into my sweatpants on a daily basis would be considered a win at this point.

Tomorrow, ladies and gentleman, my fate shall be determined - will I walk again? Well, I know I will, but ... will I walk soon? Or is surgery imminent for this woman ... tune it tomorrow (same bat time, same bat channel) to find out more!

*poof*

Touring the Country

Thanks for the post from Kirk Wood

I’m starting to find out what it actually means to get old. My joints are starting to heart more, certain physical activity makes me tired, and I’m going to bed a lot earlier than normal. My wife and I were having a conversation the other day and we both are in agreement that life has just flown by and we cannot figure out where the time has gone. I jokingly told her that we should check ourselves into a retirement home and go ahead and start figuring out our last will and testament. My wife has always dreamed of buying a RV and touring the country once we retire and I’ve always felt like it was one of her better ideas. Therefore, the time has almost come for making major decisions like that, she’s retired from her job and I plan on retiring within the year. A great friend of mine called just the other day and I started asking his advice about places we should go if we decided to actually start touring the country. My friend made a lot of sound recommendations and he also told me about direct tv which really made me excited. Perhaps my wife and I will start mapping places out this weekend.

Back in the Saddle

Oh, has life been crazy lately! And by lately, I mean since October ... but I'm back and ready to start it all again! Tons of things have happened, where to start? I guess a short synopsis is in order ....

1) quit my lousy job and stayed home to take care of my son
2) hit rock bottom with my depression and finally started antidepressants
3) got another job that's not much better but not so stressful
4) moved out of my apartment and in with my boyfriend of not-so-long
5) ........gained weight

Okay, so my son was gone on vacation for the entire month of June and I guess I ate a lot of my feelings. But my boyfriend and I have vowed to lose a little weight (yeah, yeah - I'm aware that I have a lot of weight to lose. Baby steps!) and I plan on sticking with the weight that makes ME feel comfortable, and not the people around me.

I still have down days every now and again, but for the most part I'm feeling better about myself and about life. Financially, I still have a l-o-n-g way to go, but I'm working on it. One day at a time, boo!

I'm tired

No metaphorical reference here, I'm just tired. Physically and emotionally tired ... well, I don't know if emotionally tired is the right phrase but maybe it is ... ? I've been up almost eighteen hours and I'm so tired I'm not sure I'd pass a test discerning left from right. Maybe I could? What about my name? I'm not sure anymore.

This has seriously been the craziest, most tiring weekend I've had in a s-u-p-e-r long time but you know what? I feel happy today. And honestly, I haven't felt happy, really happy, in a long time. As with most things, though, my tough shell is up because I don't feel like being an open wound for someone with a salt shaker. Ahh - there. I was wondering where my metaphorical mind went, but it's apparently come back. I'm tired of being the one that always takes care of things/people/stuff in life, and I refuse to be the pawn in the chess game of life from now on (hehe, I <3 metaphors).

Sleep needed.

Halloweeny

Ugh! I'm so frustrated with life I feel like giving up on everything, you know? I'm adjusting badly to the single life,  and feel stressed about school and just stuff in general, so my food intake has either been too much or too little. My acidophilus has been performing beautifully, however, and my stomach hasn't felt this good in over ten years. Who knew something so small could do something so big? I think it might also be combating the fact that my NSAID foot medicine makes me ill. Woot for cancelling out side effects!

My son and I are going trick-or-treating tonight, he as Optimus Prime and I as ... some sort of random witch-looking thing. I kinda just went to Kmart this morning and bought a witch hat, deciding at the last minute to enter into the Halloween spirit. I managed to hike through a haunted forest last night with my super good friend, of which I could not have gotten through it without him, so I'm thankful. It was also a lot of cardio, and I'm stupid sore today.

November should prove to be a better month, right? I can get back on track and focus on me again.

Sorry :(

The past two weeks have been awful, so my apologies for not writing. I don't know what happened, but I managed to contract some sort of stomach disorder that not only made me lose a lot of weight but made me not able to keep any food I ate inside my tummy. After securing a bottle of acidophilus, the stomach pain went away but isn't completely better yet. There's a small chance my arthritis medicine is making my stomach hurt. There's a contradiction, huh?

I was also in a car accident last Sunday, and I've been dealing with the aftermath of what happened this past week. Pulling out of my parent's driveway and trying to make a left turn, a lady came over the hill and ran into me. But, as luck would have it, since I didn't know the policeman that showed up on the scene and she did (local girl, her dad was the first responder on the scene) they ruled it my fault. Isn't life wonderful? My dad has my car working again, but the hood doesn't lay flat and the whole front bumper has been removed. I've had better times.

My boyfriend and I broke up yesterday, and all that has made me do is want to eat and feel sorry for myself. I'm lonely and sad and hurt, and I recognize that I'm trying to turn to food for comfort so it's an internal struggle to do the right thing. Today has not been a good day for that.

Hopefully I'll have the motivation to write more in the coming days, but for now I have a lot to try and heal from.