Okay, well ... hi there. My name is Mary, and I'm 2 months into this whole weight-loss effort. Why, you ask? Well, many reasons. I can't keep blaming "baby weight" on why I'm fat when my son is three-and-a-half. I'm also tired of not finding bras that fit right, cramming my bosom into cups that are too small or too big, sometimes having to use an extender. I'd like to knock some "x's" off my clothing labels, too ... but that's only part of it. There's no reason I should struggle walking like I do. Sure, I have metal plates holding one of my feet together, pffft. Who doesn't? Okay...lots of people, sure...sigh. I have no excuse for why I'm the way I am. I'm an emotional eater and struggle with willpower. There. It's out in the open now.
The heaviest I ever got was during my pregnancy, when I topped off somewhere over 340 pounds. I lost some of it naturally, then hit postpartum depression and never really got out of it, so I just stopped caring, basically. I had bigger fish to fry, pardon the pun, and taking care of myself was waaaaay down the list, right after "take care of baby, clean house, go to work, cook dinner, do laundry, find time to sleep..." Right. My list of to-do's got almost as big as I did.
The place I work started a Biggest Loser challenge this year, and I joined. Why the hell not? I have weight to lose, and even though it's not going to be a quick process, I'm more than ready. I'd already proclaimed 2010 as the Year to Reclaim My Life, and made resolutions to go back to school (which I did), pay off debt (which I started working on) and the ever popular LOSE WEIGHT (which I'm trying). First weigh-in was January 15th, and it was a depressing 320 pounds. Oh, well. Time to start.
Problem, though - I have a hard time finding an exercise that lets my gimpy body workout without collapsing. And I don't mean from the hard effort - I mean collapsing as in the whole internal structure of my body will deteriorate and leave me a fleshy puddle on the floor. I'm missing cartilage from my right knee, have arthritis in my knees, shoulder and feet, struggle with daily activities from the plates in my left foot ... in other words, I'm a mess. I love to walk, sure, but my feet don't always cooperate. I bought a trampoline, for all the good that does; it's an awesome stand for my school books.
Last weigh-in was February 12th, when I shocked myself by losing eight pounds - 312 now. Okay, that's good! But my life seems to just get a little more stressful as time goes by, and now I'm a little scared of the next official weigh-in on March 15th. I walk when I can, watch what I eat, but seriously ... the girl taking our weights and charting our losses is an avid runner who believes in the Kate Moss Theory of Dieting: "Nothing tastes as good as being skinny feels." I'm not going to deprive my body of stuff it needs or wants, but I'm also not going to scarf down a bag of mini-doughnuts because I'm frustrated. Portion control is where it's at, baby. I can't spend the rest of my life drinking my meals, or whipping out my Points Counter at every available chance to put something in my mouth.
One of the girls in the challenge works out 2 hours a day and stopped eating red meat, dairy, carbs, blah blah blah ... might as well have cut food out altogether, of course you're going to lose weight! If I had someone to watch my child while I went to the gym, of course I'd work out - but I don't, so I can't. Instead, I walk around the building on my 15-minute breaks at work, and when time allows at home, sometimes I pop a walking video in the DVD player and sweat it out to a 15-minute mile. Other times ... oh, well. I'm not perfect. I drink lots of water and take the stairs when my feet allow, watch what I eat ... isn't that enough? I'll lose weight when I lose it, not because some statistic tells me I should be losing x-amount of pounds per week or month. So what if it takes me a year, two years? I can say I did it, can't I? Even if I lose 4 pounds a month, I still lost, right?
Right. Motivation.
Weigh-in on Monday ... I didn't do so well yesterday, pizza was a temptation I couldn't resist. Today is a new day, though, and I'm not going to give up.
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